I'm worried about someone, and I don't know if they realize it. I hate feeling helpless. I haven't been placed in the role of confidante in so long that I feel like I'm not good at it anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summer has been okay so far. I've been working a lot. Between guard and the restaurant, I feel like I haven't had enough time to just sit back and enjoy my summer. Money is good though...and idle time? Not so much. I should be grateful that I've been kept busy. It gets me out of the house, doing something productive.

Hopefully I'll have a few more places and people to escape to after this weekend when I need a break from the home life. I'm really looking forward to having those options.

I wish I had something more important to say. Summer seems to sap all my creativity. I better get it back soon, I'm sick of posts like this.

There is something about eating Rita's, crammed around a picnic table that's way too small, and catching up with good friends that gives me hope for this summer. It won't be so bad after all.

....three more months....

Movin' Out

I hate packing.

It's because I don't believe in fitting my life into neat little boxes.

I really, really do not want tomorrow to happen.

I can't help but wonder...how different are things going to be next year? I would love to just have some constancy in my life. I have dealt with more change over the past year and that's surprising. I've dealt with it. I didn't run away, I didn't shrink to the background. I've stood up when I wanted to fall, when it was easier to sit down. I've done it all full-force, given it my everything.

I'm proud of myself right now, for coming this far. I was not in a good place last year, literally and mentally. Now I'm better, I'm getting there.

I hope that I really have made the strides that I have. Part of me wonders if I've made it all up in my head, that I'm the same on the outside and no one can tell that I'm changing. I keep reading back to old blog entries and realizing how utterly hopeless I felt sometimes. Those moments are coming to me further and farther between. The recluse in me is moving out, making a stand, fist in the air.

The people that I've met this semester have brought out the best in me. Every last one of them...and they have no idea how much they have helped me get to where I am right now. I really believe I've made some of the best friends of my life over the past few months. I've got people I can count on, people who are behind me, people I trust. And that's so important for me right now given the happenings of the past year or so. I need to hang onto what I was fortunate enough to earn, because most people don't get this lucky.

I'm glad I had my struggle to find my place. When you finally get a place to fit, after so much looking, there are really no words for it. It's a high I could never even hope to express in words.

Finally.

Ready. Set. Go.

Don't stop. It's only real when you can keep going in an endless flow of energy. Out, out, up, gone.

You have it in you. Do you feel it? Embrace it. Let it consume. your. core.

Dance. Run. Jump. Spin. Fly.

Throw those worlds together, mash it up. You'll wind up with something different. Better even.



Confused? Good. You should be. Take what you will.

It's DONE. As of today, I am officially done with all projects for the semester. And it feels amazing. I still have little homework assignments and readings here and there, but I can rest easier now.

Things have been hectic, but I'm really looking forward to feeling relaxed again. I stopped worrying about my grades, after a conversation with my mom where she reminded me that I've had two really rough semesters in a row, and that I should just be proud of myself for having made it. So I'm taking on that mentality for now.

This weekend is going to be awesome, though tinged with a little bit of sadness. It's the last weekend that I'll be able to be particularly social because exams start soon. But even more so, it's the last weekend that I can spend consistent time with my roommate. No words can express how glad I am to live with her. She's just so easy to talk to, and we always have a good time. It is going to be strange having to readjust to someone else next year, and to be honest, I'm not sure that anyone else can compare.

Things with me and the boy are fantastic, save for my stressful, bitchy rants. It's to be somewhat expected with me, and things are only going to get better once the summer comes.