I can't help but wonder...how different are things going to be next year? I would love to just have some constancy in my life. I have dealt with more change over the past year and that's surprising. I've dealt with it. I didn't run away, I didn't shrink to the background. I've stood up when I wanted to fall, when it was easier to sit down. I've done it all full-force, given it my everything.

I'm proud of myself right now, for coming this far. I was not in a good place last year, literally and mentally. Now I'm better, I'm getting there.

I hope that I really have made the strides that I have. Part of me wonders if I've made it all up in my head, that I'm the same on the outside and no one can tell that I'm changing. I keep reading back to old blog entries and realizing how utterly hopeless I felt sometimes. Those moments are coming to me further and farther between. The recluse in me is moving out, making a stand, fist in the air.

The people that I've met this semester have brought out the best in me. Every last one of them...and they have no idea how much they have helped me get to where I am right now. I really believe I've made some of the best friends of my life over the past few months. I've got people I can count on, people who are behind me, people I trust. And that's so important for me right now given the happenings of the past year or so. I need to hang onto what I was fortunate enough to earn, because most people don't get this lucky.

I'm glad I had my struggle to find my place. When you finally get a place to fit, after so much looking, there are really no words for it. It's a high I could never even hope to express in words.

Finally.