Holi-haze

i am having one of those weeks where there are so many words exploding inside me that it is utterly impossible to sort them out enough to write them down.

i haven't been sleeping. i haven't really been eating healthily either. i'm overwhelmed with inner conflicts that i knew were coming, that perhaps were even inevitable. i just didn't think it would be this hard.

i prayed last night. a lot. for so many people, and for so many things. it's one of the only things that has been getting me to sleep at night, an emotional drain that unclogs this mess long enough for my mind to drift into this weird blank unconsciousness. i can't remember the last time i had a dream, good or bad. instead all i can recall when i wake up in the morning are the fervent pleas i've been sending upstairs.

instead of looking forward to the new year, i want to go back and relive this one again.

i am using this Christmas to recharge and reevaluate. i think that reworking my perspective may help things a lot. i just hope it isn't too obvious that i am running around with my tail between my legs.

nothing feels normal. i'm either putting too much thought into things, or i feel restless, like i'm not doing enough.

i want the world to right itself. but i know nothing is going to happen if i sit around waiting.

i hope i get the chance to change.