11 Things I Learned While Skiing Today:
1) Screaming "ohmygod ohmygod, oh SHIT" is not going to help you slow down when you (namely, ME) decides that it would be a smart decision to go on an intermediate trail alone after not having skied for seven years.
2) In fact, screaming may actually make you fall down faster. Which I did...and I have the banged up knee to prove it!
3) If you do fall, giving the kids laughing on the ski lift above you an evil glare will usually shut them up. If not, remember to openly stifle a giggle when they struggle more than you did.
4) Snowboarders are dumb. I know, because I've done it. They like to fall, a lot.
5) Spending buttloads of money on Gortex and high-tech snowsports equipment when you've never skied before makes you look like an ass. Case in point: the "winner" with pink skis and matching snow pants who fell every time she tried to move around. You should have let your rich Daddy buy you a lesson instead of making him shell out cash just so you could look nice for the Ski Patrol who hovered around you all day.
6) Riding in a car with two boys leaves you victim to the following: fart jokes, burps, actual farts, excessive teasing, under-the-breath comments, and low-brow humor. The sad part? I fit right in!!
7) Do not, under any circumstance, attempt to get fancy towards the end of the day. You may feel like a hotshot, but trying a hockey stop while coming off a ski lift will only end in embarrassment. And did I mention how humiliating it is to have your friend M pull you up by his pole because you hopelessly flailed around on the ground for five minutes???
8) When you haven't skied in seven years, EXPECT to be shown up by small children that barely reach past your bellybutton. I am convinced that little kids have a gene that allows them to zip down steep hills at top speed, one that I apparently grew the hell out of. I ate their dust.
9) Ski food sucks. I think it's intentionally designed to come out of you faster than a skier coming down a double black.
10) There is nothing funnier than watching your hick friend M smoke a cig while trying to squeeze into his too-small custom-made ski boots. Unless he walks into Fuddrucker's wearing pajama pants, a camo hat WITH fish-hook, and a hunting vest (which he did!).
11) Speaking of Fuddrucker's....eat nearby the ski resort because when you get back to Maryland and try to eat peacefully in full-out winter garb, you WILL get stared at. Especially if you refuse to take your wool hat off because your hair is such a mess. Again, me.
2) In fact, screaming may actually make you fall down faster. Which I did...and I have the banged up knee to prove it!
3) If you do fall, giving the kids laughing on the ski lift above you an evil glare will usually shut them up. If not, remember to openly stifle a giggle when they struggle more than you did.
4) Snowboarders are dumb. I know, because I've done it. They like to fall, a lot.
5) Spending buttloads of money on Gortex and high-tech snowsports equipment when you've never skied before makes you look like an ass. Case in point: the "winner" with pink skis and matching snow pants who fell every time she tried to move around. You should have let your rich Daddy buy you a lesson instead of making him shell out cash just so you could look nice for the Ski Patrol who hovered around you all day.
6) Riding in a car with two boys leaves you victim to the following: fart jokes, burps, actual farts, excessive teasing, under-the-breath comments, and low-brow humor. The sad part? I fit right in!!
7) Do not, under any circumstance, attempt to get fancy towards the end of the day. You may feel like a hotshot, but trying a hockey stop while coming off a ski lift will only end in embarrassment. And did I mention how humiliating it is to have your friend M pull you up by his pole because you hopelessly flailed around on the ground for five minutes???
8) When you haven't skied in seven years, EXPECT to be shown up by small children that barely reach past your bellybutton. I am convinced that little kids have a gene that allows them to zip down steep hills at top speed, one that I apparently grew the hell out of. I ate their dust.
9) Ski food sucks. I think it's intentionally designed to come out of you faster than a skier coming down a double black.
10) There is nothing funnier than watching your hick friend M smoke a cig while trying to squeeze into his too-small custom-made ski boots. Unless he walks into Fuddrucker's wearing pajama pants, a camo hat WITH fish-hook, and a hunting vest (which he did!).
11) Speaking of Fuddrucker's....eat nearby the ski resort because when you get back to Maryland and try to eat peacefully in full-out winter garb, you WILL get stared at. Especially if you refuse to take your wool hat off because your hair is such a mess. Again, me.
posted by haze at 5:51 PM
2 Comments:
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!! literally.... well the bed but you know...
I miss you.. come visit meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Hahaha, sounds like 11 reasons why I don't go skiing... that and there are too many "i"s in skiiiiiing. ahhh!
miss you.
~Mia
Post a Comment
<< Home