Late Night Musings
1:18 AM....
I can't sleep. I feel wide awake for absolutely no reason. My mind is buzzing with a lot of new and exciting possibilities.
The good thing about having an active imagination like mine is that life can never really sneak up on you. I can envision hypothetical situations as if they were actually happening...and even if I don't always pay close attention to what my mind dreams up, few things have completely thrown me for a loop. Even things I've heard about C...I saw coming at one point. I just chose to ignore it.
Now what's been keeping me up rather than anger or sadness is pure, unadulterated excitement (and maybe a little fear). I have to play the game smarter this time around, and trust my instincts more.
L said she thinks that spending time with A is going to inspire me to write more. I think she's right...I can feel it coming already.
I feel proud of myself again--for my grades this semester, for maintaining and replenishing important relationships, for being the bigger person, for stepping up when everyone else walked away.
Looking through my archives, part of me misses the angst-ridden, sad entries I used to make. I was only inspired to write when I felt alone. I still think some of my best work came from those low moments. I haven't quite figured out how to write when I'm happy, in a way that doesn't come off as completely pretentious and overly optimistic.
Balance. Something to work on.
1:40 AM...drained and ready to sleep.
I can't sleep. I feel wide awake for absolutely no reason. My mind is buzzing with a lot of new and exciting possibilities.
The good thing about having an active imagination like mine is that life can never really sneak up on you. I can envision hypothetical situations as if they were actually happening...and even if I don't always pay close attention to what my mind dreams up, few things have completely thrown me for a loop. Even things I've heard about C...I saw coming at one point. I just chose to ignore it.
Now what's been keeping me up rather than anger or sadness is pure, unadulterated excitement (and maybe a little fear). I have to play the game smarter this time around, and trust my instincts more.
L said she thinks that spending time with A is going to inspire me to write more. I think she's right...I can feel it coming already.
I feel proud of myself again--for my grades this semester, for maintaining and replenishing important relationships, for being the bigger person, for stepping up when everyone else walked away.
Looking through my archives, part of me misses the angst-ridden, sad entries I used to make. I was only inspired to write when I felt alone. I still think some of my best work came from those low moments. I haven't quite figured out how to write when I'm happy, in a way that doesn't come off as completely pretentious and overly optimistic.
Balance. Something to work on.
1:40 AM...drained and ready to sleep.
posted by haze at 10:18 PM
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