maybe just that P.M.S.
I just don't want to feel empty anymore. I'm not sure what's missing.
My senior year is supposed to be amazing. Instead, I have suffered setback after setback.
My squad is down to three. I can't help but blame myself...and now I doubt any of them will be interested in doing winter guard. Apparently, you CAN push them too hard.
My first teaching experience alone was nothing short of a disaster. I was supposed to fill in for two periods so that my mentor teacher could leave early. The sub left halfway through my last period...and the kids were absolutely hellish. They pushed me to the edge and I completely lost my composure. Hard not to feel like a failure, even if it was only my third time in the classroom. I guess most of all, I hate to admit that 29 twelve year olds beat me.
Two of my close friends seem completely disinterested in my life. I can call, but I can tell they don't care anymore. I am hurting because I know that if they called me, even now, I would still do anything and everything for them.
It was a year ago on Saturday. And while I am happy to say that he barely crossed my mind, I am disappointed. I do not feel like I met the goals I set for myself to have met when this time came. And yes, I am absolutely placing too much bearing on being in a relationship (hence my string of failed ones). It is just so hard to see life working out for him, while I can't seem to get it together.
I don't have time to do the things I love. But I'm too proud to give up any of the things I am doing.
I have to be optimistic. The pendulum will swing back up. I'll come back and read this and laugh at how forlorn I was over nothing. yes, that's what will happen. It has to.
My senior year is supposed to be amazing. Instead, I have suffered setback after setback.
My squad is down to three. I can't help but blame myself...and now I doubt any of them will be interested in doing winter guard. Apparently, you CAN push them too hard.
My first teaching experience alone was nothing short of a disaster. I was supposed to fill in for two periods so that my mentor teacher could leave early. The sub left halfway through my last period...and the kids were absolutely hellish. They pushed me to the edge and I completely lost my composure. Hard not to feel like a failure, even if it was only my third time in the classroom. I guess most of all, I hate to admit that 29 twelve year olds beat me.
Two of my close friends seem completely disinterested in my life. I can call, but I can tell they don't care anymore. I am hurting because I know that if they called me, even now, I would still do anything and everything for them.
It was a year ago on Saturday. And while I am happy to say that he barely crossed my mind, I am disappointed. I do not feel like I met the goals I set for myself to have met when this time came. And yes, I am absolutely placing too much bearing on being in a relationship (hence my string of failed ones). It is just so hard to see life working out for him, while I can't seem to get it together.
I don't have time to do the things I love. But I'm too proud to give up any of the things I am doing.
I have to be optimistic. The pendulum will swing back up. I'll come back and read this and laugh at how forlorn I was over nothing. yes, that's what will happen. It has to.
posted by haze at 6:39 PM
1 Comments:
Pssssst.
My brief respites from the biology induced hermitage find me always coming here to see how you are. Know that even though I am hardly around, you are always in my thoughts.
xoxo
~Mia
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