Maybe you can relate. Maybe not. Either way, I'm saying it.
Ever get that sinking feeling in your stomach, the kind where you go into panic mode because you feel as though you SHOULD be happy but aren't? I have everything. Great friends and mentors, a good family. But it's not enough for me right now. How can I plug up a hole in my life when I don't even know where it is?
Maybe this is the moment after a break-up where the fear finally sets in. The fear that what you had was it for you. That you will continue to wake up day after day after day with that lump in your throat, the one that reminds you how far you've fallen.
It's an irrational thought, I know. "But you'll find someone better." What if I don't?
It's not that I don't want M, it's that I'm too scared to do anything about it.
Ever get that sinking feeling in your stomach, the kind where you go into panic mode because you feel as though you SHOULD be happy but aren't? I have everything. Great friends and mentors, a good family. But it's not enough for me right now. How can I plug up a hole in my life when I don't even know where it is?
Maybe this is the moment after a break-up where the fear finally sets in. The fear that what you had was it for you. That you will continue to wake up day after day after day with that lump in your throat, the one that reminds you how far you've fallen.
It's an irrational thought, I know. "But you'll find someone better." What if I don't?
It's not that I don't want M, it's that I'm too scared to do anything about it.
posted by haze at 8:23 PM
2 Comments:
we all get like that sometimes. one may think that they have to be happy because they have everything in the world they could possibly need, but there's still that empty space in their life. i think for you that empty space is a relationship. you were with C for 2.5 years...it makes sense that there should be a hole in that aspect of your life right now. you're probably not used to having that gulp of time that he took up in your life. now the real question is what everyone else fills that hole up with... some with partying, activities (although you're crazy busy), clubs, etc. and u may be scared...but that's life...and that's what happens when you're faced with unfamiliar territory. so my advice is just absorb all the confidence that all of us have in you...because we all know you'll find someone amazing...you'll be happy. you'll fill up that hole. =)
yeah i'm not happy, but i'm kinda good at faking it aren't I.... I mean I'm in fucking england... i should be ecstatic, but all I wanna do is come hoooooooooooooome.... that's my big empty space... friends and family.... so just know you aren't in that boat alone and we'll just have to cross that ocean/lake/river together and make it to the other side together!!!
Miss you, Love You!!
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